Kucinich Submits Articles Of Impeachment

Dennis Kucinich issued articles of impeachment yesterday.

By the tone of his speach, Kucinich seems to know that the impeachment is unlikely to go through. It seems that his goal is to merely bring to the nation’s attention that the rhetoric coming out of the mouths of the most powerful people in the country only serves to weaken our national security. The articles of impeachment also serve as a reminder that it is up to the people serving the electorate in the House and the Senate to check the power of the Legislative.  

Hooray, Kucinich!

Scott McLellan Says Bush Veered Off Course In Iraq

You can expect to see a lot more of this kind of thing happening in the coming weeks and months and years. McLellan says in his forthcoming book that the Bush administration “veered terribly off course” in Iraq. This from the man who stood in front of the press from 2003 to 2006 and defended the actions of the administration. Why would a man who worked so hard and for so long for the Bush administration wait until now to make known his feelings?

Perhaps it has to do with him trying to regain his credibility. In his book What Happened McLellan said that in October 2003 his assertion that Rove and Libby were not involved in the ouster of CIA operative Valerie Plame were untrue and that he had unknowingly provided that false information and points the finger of blame directly at the president and his closest advisors.

Look forward to Scott McLellan’s character assassination.

Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape

From the people who brought you Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick, Vivid Video is proud to present to you the one and only Jimi Hendrix sex tape, to be released for sale on May 6th. From what I’ve seen in the trailer, it doesn’t look like Jimi Hendrix. But some people (mainly the one’s who stand to profit from its release) believe that the dude in the film really is him. They’ve got some expert opinions in Cynthia Plaster Caster who actually has a plaster cast of Hendrix’s penis which she compares to the penis in the film, and Pamela Des Barres another 60’s “top groupie” who claims to have slept with the star.

  

A Ludacris Map

One of the best uses of American collegiate intellect I’ve ever seen is the “Area Codes In Which Ludacris Claims To Have Hoes” map found over at Strange Maps. I believe ho’s is spelled with an apostrophe instead of an “e”. This map just goes to show that Nebraska ho’s are just as competitive as the southern ladies.

 

Things That Suck

The Hurricane 600 uses cyclonic separation, has a fuel tank with a capacity of 100 gallons, has an 11.5” clutch, and utilizes a 6 cylinder 170 horsepower John Deere turbo-charged diesel engine to achieve maximum suckage. It’s skid mounted for ease of travel, has a 16” manhole on the baghouse for ease of entry (should you need it) and the crane can lift to 11’ for discharging its contents. The hose sucks at an astonishing 120 PSI for all those hard to suck items.

 

 

 

With fewer specs provided by Durovac’s website it’s harder to get an idea of what this machine is capable of. But with the information only a phone call away and knowing that they can provide systems designed up to 500 horsepower, you can be sure that if you need something sucked in your facility they’ll be able to design the system right for you. If at 50 HP their vacuums are able to convey 6 tons per hour, with 500 HP you’ll probably be able to suck in the neighborhood of 60 tons per hour (what the hell are you sucking?).

 

The UltraVac ECV 5015 Industrial Vacuum Loader (not pictured, but looks a splittin’ image) is a sweet mobile unit that travels courtesy of a three axel truck chassis. With a transfer case rated to 550 HP and a host of other features like 19.5 cubic yards of capacity, an air cannon capable of delivering continuous filter cleaning, a top inlet with a 270 degree boom (I want a boom!), and two high efficiency cyclone separators mounted in parallel, you’ll be able to take your high power, high-efficiency suck on the road.

 

 

 

Vac Con endorses their Combination Machine Series as packing a punch in their delivery of some sucking machines. Their systems come with an Inspector Cam video system so you can watch what how you suck, but they also feature Hi-Dump capability. A friend once said “Any man can piss on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.” This Hi-Dump capability may be what you need to become that hero.

 

The Super Vac SVU-50 uses positive pressure ventilation (PPV) to achieve a vacuum in large buildings with massive amounts of air volume. Firefighters across the country use PPV in their truly heroic efforts to save lives and minimize property damage by waging war against fire with weapons such as the SVU-50. It lifts hydraulically and is operated with a hand held remote that controls throttle, elevation, tilt, and rotation. This baby’s powered by a minimum 160 HP multi-port fuel injected engine, has a two hour run time, and a 48 inch diameter six blade carbon fiber propeller. It doesn’t suck… it blows! Hard!

 

From the people who brought you the SVU-50, here comes the BFF-502. Super Vac has combined the beauty and romance of car engines with the elegance of fans to make mobile high volume air displacement via positive pressure ventilation a work of art that blows. The SVU’s BFF has a gigantic 8 blade carbon fiber prop powered by a Chevy 502 engine that produces over 750,000 cubic feet per minute of fresh air.

 

 

 

 

The Russians say they’ve created the “Father Of All Bombs” by making one supposedly four times stronger than the US built Massive Ordinance Air Blast Bomb otherwise known as the Mother Of All Bombs. The US Department of Defense released a statement saying that not only were they suspicious of Russia’s claim of such a weapon, but that they were working on a knew higher power bomb referred to in Pentagon documents as the Mother Fucker Of All Bombs. The two stage bomb delivered by a Russian Tupolev Tu-160 strategic bomber first covers a swath of area with a cloud of explosive material and is ignited by a second charge thus creating an ultrasonic shock wave, incredibly high temperatures, and a partial vacuum that compounds damage and is allegedly the equivalent to a 44 ton TNT blast.        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honda Is In The Business Of Symphony Conducting

Honda’s Asimo robot (seen here in “gay flirt” mode) is set to conduct the Detroit Symphony Orchestra on May 13th. What an impressive robot, right? The company lists its abilities as being able to walk forward and backward, climb up and down stairs, and can run up to 4 miles an hour. I guess the pre-requisites for conducting a symphony aren’t as complicated as I thought, seeing as I can walk sideways, I can run up and down stairs, and I can walk 4 miles an hour.  

Honda released a statement saying that it’s merely providing consumers with an alternative that is more reliable and efficient than what the market currently has to offer. Domestic conductors collectively shuddered and are preparing for hard times analogous to the current domestic vs. Asian car market.

Former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul took it upon himself to level the playing field by learning to conduct himself. Ahem, I mean learning to also conduct. He feels that not only do cheap imports of toys and food from Asia pose a risk to American’s health, importing conductors will compromise the US’s ability to compete in a market that relies on guys’ abilities to wave their hands around passionately.

As an aside, when was the last time you watched a symphony where the people playing the instruments were actually paying attention to whatever the hell the conductor was doing? I’m sure if the robot had an emotion chip it would feel just as neglected as the human conductors probably do afterwards. And it will probably take all the credit for creating such beautiful music by bowing and accepting roses just like humans.

Massage Pants

These are massage pants from the Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Company. What do they do for you? Well I’ll tell you, by copy/pasting the product features.

Product Features: * Built-7 group of super vibration massage, a scientific and rational allocation * Ring far infrared heaters, automatic temperature control, safe and reliable *A variety of massage * Automatic mode * Automatic regularly work 20 minutes * High-performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy, security

You know, looking at them I could tell they had a scientific and rational allocation of vibration massage. And that makes me really want some. Just a heads up though, I don’t think these are technically pants. Because pants are usually longer. These look more like shorts. Shorts that are missing some fabric in the front. You know, so your balls hang out. Wow, these are even awesomer than I first thought. Unfortunately there’s a 500 pair minimum order. Anybody want to go halvsies?

This post was copy and pasted directly from Geekloogie.com.

Top Ten Best (And Worst) Soda Ideas

Whether you call it soda, pop, or coke, this refreshing liquid candy is a staple in the American diet. This list is in honor of some of the best and worst ideas regarding the infamous bottled beverage.

1. Coca-Cola  This gets the number one spot since John Pemberton, the inventor, was arguably the first to include stimulants of “medicinal” quality. They still use a coca leaf extract to this day (I wonder, does it really change the flavor that much that they still find the need to include it), but its nothing compared to the nine milligrams a bottle they used to use! When you consider that at the time Coca-Cola still had cocaine infused in it back in the day, they were usually drinking about three glasses at a time. Thats the same amount the average coke-head snorts a day by today’s standards! No wonder people lined up to drink the stuff.  It relieves exhaustion… and numbs your face!

 

 

 

 2. Bottled Water OK, so it’s not a soda. But the fact that they’re bottled by soda manufacturers is enough for me to include it. Started in the 70’s by Perrier, this product falls under the category of worst since you can get the same stuff for free from wherever you’re buying the bottled stuff. It’s a waste of plastic, the plastic bottles leach dangerous chemicals into what you drink, and the production and consumption requires the use of 17 million barrels of oil a year (as of 2006)! 

 

 

 

3. Crystal Pepsi “You’ve never seen a taste like this” was the slogan that went along with this drink. With a slogan like that the guys in Pepsi’s marketing department must have had some experience with psychedelics. Either that or they were trying to market to people who were. Some other possible hallucinogen inspired slogans for their products “I can feel the blue, man” or “Can you hear the strawberry?” And I have to mention the SNL parody, Crystal Gravy. “Finally, you can see your meat!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. New Coke Whether it was a completely miserable analysis of market research or a conspiracy to cover up the switch from cane sugar to high fructose corn syrup, Coca-Cola’s campaign to change the taste of Coke pissed off all kinds of people. But the mistake (if thats what you want to call it) effectively brought Coca-Cola back to the lead spot in the cola wars.

 

 

 

 

 

5. Energy Drinks Fuck, yeah! The people behind energy drinks took John Pemberton’s idea of adding stimulants to fizzy drinks to a whole new level. Now you can drink some adderall from a can and twitch incessantly so you can finish that term paper or get the world’s record for most consecutive hours playing World of Warcraft. Celebrities seem to love creating these things and bars across America are making some sweet alcoholic beverages combining an upper and a downer. You no longer have to steal your kid’s ritalin and drink vodka to enjoy the heart wrenching/stopping effects of stimulants and depressants. My personal favorite is Bawls, especially since it comes in a blue can (get it… blue Bawls, huhuh). Put some Bawls in your mouth!

6. AdeS Definitely another loser. India must not be aware of the phonetic similarity between the name of the water they;re drinking from a bottle and the name of the notorious sexually transmitted immunodeficiency disease. Seriously, if someone offered you some Ades water, would you drink it?

 

7. Sparkling Water This stuff is just nasty. I know there’s no flavor, but there’s something not right about it. Plus, if you let a mouse swim in it, it will die. Then again, alot of stuff I consume fucks mice up.

 

 

8. Dr. Pepper In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll have to admit that this tasty concoction of 232 different flavors, or whatever rediculous amount it is, is my favorite soda. But I had to take pause when I visited one of their promotional websites and this little anthropomorphized can of Dr. Pepper with crazy eyes and cowboy boots showed me what he might do to me if I couldn’t handle the taste. A motorcycle through the face, a jackhammer to the tongue, a gaping chest wound, and a melted face do not make me want to go out and buy a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper. If you’re a masochist, you just might get turned on. Check it out here.

9. I’m sure Lenin would be proud of this beverage. There’s nothing better to promote a socialist political philosophy than a carbonated flavored beverage. Ok, comrade?

 

 

 

 

 

10. Faygo At least one company got it right by marketing their sodas by color instead of flavor. I don’t know how the people at Faygo are able to offer a brand of soda that’s even cheaper than my local grocery store’s brand of generic soda’s (and I probably don’t want to know). And if you ever want to bathe in it, just go to an Insane Clown Posse concert. They love the stuff so much they rap about it. And you know that when a rapper raps about something, they love it (i.e. weed, ho’s, money, etc.)!

Permacarn, a permanent carnival

With so many blogs out there with so many niches, there really is something for everyone. What I want to do is create a permanent carnival blog. You know what a carnival blog is right? It’s where people who have blogs create contests to post other people’s blogs. So lets say Joe Schmoe has a blog about music. Joe would make a contest for people to submit articles about their favorite guitar picks. A bunch of people would write different articles about the picks they use and the ones that work best. Joe would then sort through the submissions and pick the one he liked best or is most relevant and helpful to his readers, then post it to his blog. This has a positive impact on both the winner of the carnival contest and Joe. Joe gets content for his blog, and the winner gets his blog exposed to people reading Joe’s blog. Pretty cool! 

What I want to do is make a blog that is a permanent carnival. I’ll either request permission to publish a blog or article I find interesting, or review submissions that people send me. There’s no real specific subject I want to cover. Just a bunch of stuff I find (including but not limited to) intriguing, funny, beneficial, controversial, or substantive. I’ll include stuff on my own, too. But as far as I’m concerned, the opportunities are endless!